Relationships in the Age of Facebook

When it came time to change my relationship status on Facebook this past weekend, I literally found myself thinking, "Ok. Time to go public." It's strange how now life changes feel the most real after they are reflected on your profile. Even if a few people already know what's going on, it still feels like a secret until you've broadcast it to everyone you went to high school with, former co-workers, and fellow students from study abroad.

So true

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." --W.H. Auden

Things Worth Looking Forward To.

I talked to my mom yesterday, and we discussed my moving home. It's creeping up oh-so-slowly, but oh-so-surely. There are many reasons why I cannot wait to be back in good old Bureau County, and here are just a few:

• The Heing House -- There is a way things are done in my beloved home. We're the kind of family who makes rice and scotcharoos in the morning, watches old movies all day, and generally laugh a lot about random things. I'm looking very forward to being back in the mix!
• Chicago -- The nice thing about where we live is that we are only a short train ride away from the city. While I may not have my lovely apartment on Wolfram anymore, I officially know enough about the city to ride the train up in the morning and spend the day putzing around like I used to. I can't wait for that first trip up, going to a movie at Landmark, hanging downtown. And of coures, the impending trips with my sister!
• My Buddies -- Cannot wait to be back in the swing of things with my crew back home. Seriously, I feel like part of me is missing when I don't get to see them and hug them and catch up on life with them. I mean, we talk, but it's not the same when you are used to regular check ins.
• Weekends with My Dog -- I have made no secret of how much I miss my dog. Draper and Snicket (my cat) are my beebees, and I can't wait to have endless chances to hang with my canine companion. It's been a long time since I've been able to just go see him to my heart's content, so it will be very, very nice.
• Working -- Working in Bureau County has been part of my life since I was 16. And I love it. I miss feeling part of the action, knowing people "from work" and having that sense of community. I don't have that in Ridgecrest, and I can't wait to start hustling in BC.

The Ayatollahs' Democracy, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Understand Iran

Last night I started reading Hooman Majd's new book, The Ayatollahs' Democracy. I had to force myself to put it down and go to sleep, and today all I can think about is getting back home and reading more. As was the case with The Ayatollah Begs to Differ, Majd's first book published in 2008, I am enthralled, even at about 20 pages in. In the very beginning he makes the clear distinction that the Green Movement, the force-to-be-reckoned-with led by Mir Hossein Mousavi, is not a revolutionary group of people looking to overthrow the regime, but rather a civil rights movement. I think that's a clarification often lost here in the US.

As someone from a very small town in the middle of cornfield in the heart of the USA, I've had a lot of people ask me the same question when they find out about my interest in Middle Eastern politics: "How did someone from a place like that get into something like this?" I also suspect there is a reluctance to believe a girl wearing a minidress and a huge smile can really be that fascinated by the Islamic Republic. Well, let me tell ya, it didn't just happen. I was woefully unaware of Iranian politics during high school, besides the Iran-Iraq War, which I often referred to when talking about the US invasion in 2003. When Iran did make it into my line of vision, I was immediately terrified by the nuclear "threat" that was reportedly lurking in Tehran. Ahmadinejad? A total madman, I was sure of it. I even wrote a paper my freshman year delineating the threat a nuclear Iran posed to the world at large. Oh, silly, naive me.

But in 2007 Ahmadinejad was invited to speak at Columbia University in New York. In his introduction, the school representative tore the leader apart, which was really a petty and insulting thing to do, considering they invited him there to begin with. Ahmadinejad held it together, responded with one of his clever sideswipes while keeping that smile on his face, and moved on. I was fascinated. I even found that, well, a lot of what he said there and at the UN made sense. It wasn't all nonsensical babbling about how there was no Holocaust and Israel needed to be destroyed. So, I did my typical Bridey thing: gathered speeches, subscribed to Iranian news sites, and bought any books on Iran the local Walden's Books had in stock.

That's where it started. I dove in at the onset of the Ahmadinejad presidency in 2005. It was a good place to start, now that I look back, because there was a clear shift in policy. From there I read about the Islamic Revolution, about the Iran-Iraq War, about the Rafsanjani, Khamenei, and Khatami presidencies, the nuclear debate -- anything I could get my hands on. Old CIA documents from the 1980s, IAEA reports, transcripts of speeches from both Supreme Leaders. Everytime I learn one thing, I see three more paths down which I need to go to learn even more. And 3 years on, I'm more obsessed than I ever have been. Obsessed enough to want to go there; in fact, when I told my mom I was going to Kenya, she was immediately nervous, and said, "Wouldn't you rather go to, I don't know, Iran?"

When the 2009 election happened, of course, a lot of people decided to jump on the bandwagon. Insert face palm here, please. People who just started at that point are usually totally ignorant of the political situation. They have no context in which to put the opposition movement. They don't know, for example, that Mousavi was Prime Minister and ally of Ayatollah Khomeini, or that he was instrumental in keeping the nuclear program open. They see "opposition" and think "regime change", which are just not interchangeable. My only hope is that, in the near future, people start digging a little deeper in order to understand what the current situation means. Of course, The Ayatollah's Democracy is a great place to start!

Work in Progress

I've been looking forward to re-making my wardrobe for a long time. You know how it is -- you start growing up, daydreaming about all those fabulous dresses and tops you'll wear while hanging out with your totally awesome friends in cute coffee shops. Well, I recently decided to bite the bullet and start ordering a few things. Granted, I've gone a little overboard. Not that I have buyers remorse -- everything I've ordered are things I've been eyeballing steadily for the past year -- but I will admit I've been using retail therapy to sooth my worried soul. Of course, I don't feel all that bad because I've so far enforced a "Throw Something Out for Everything that Comes In" rule fo my closet, so there's not that much excessive clutter. However, I'm done now. For a long while. Not only did I order the above from Modcloth (just ordered the maxi dress today, despite my assertions yesterday that I am done with getting packages after my adorable sweaterdress comes in a few days) but I cleaned up during their huge sale. Cleaned up as in I got three dresses for less than the price of one of them at full price. Yeah. I'm that awesome. Now, if only I was awesome enough to avoid looking at Modcloth all together...

I Don't Care What You Say Anymore, This is My Life

So, with recent developments as they are, I've been thinking more and more lately about my future. Things I want to accomplish, things I'd like to do. Stuff like that. Today, I started a list of "Life Goals", and while this list is in no way exhaustive, I think I'm off to an ambitious start:

• Get MA in Middle Eastern Studies -- Slight divergence from Political Science
• Get 2nd MA or PhD in International Politics -- Or similar. This might allow for that AUP pipe dream to come back from the dead ... for a 15th time.
• Conduct research in Iran -- This goes with my first MA. I've been finding out more about the University of Tehran, and would love to do some of my research there!
• Backpack across Europe -- And I don't mean Western Europe. I mean start in Istanbul and end in Dublin. It might be the most ambitious thing on the list so far, but I really wanna do it someday.
• Write a book -- This has been a goal of mine on and off for nearly a decade. It's just a pipe dream of mine.
• Volunteer in Palestinian Territories -- Another long-time pipe dream that might actually not be impossible to realize. I was hoping to do this when I left DePaul after freshmen year, but ended up working at a coffee shop instead.
• Visit Oxford U/NYC/Yale U -- Just some places I want to see. I've always wanted to visit Oxford, and Yale is the school I dream about when I'm daydreaming about that fantasy life where I got straight A's in school and a full ride. NYC is just somewhere I've never been but really want to see.
• Learn to speak Arabic/Farsi/Russian -- I'm a language nut, and I want to learn all three. Arabic and Russian I can live with just basic competency, but Farsi is one I want to be fluent in. At least I can work on these over time!

Looking Back is Funny

As I sit here, working at my desk and listening to Nirvana, I can't help but wonder what 16 year old Kurt Cobain obsessed Bridey would think of 22 year old Bridey. It's funny to think that, in the past six years, my beloved "Cobain falling down on stage" poster has been replaced by a Bobby Kennedy reprint, and my religious knowledge of SPIN magazine content has been overshadowed by an intense expertise on Middle Eastern politics. Where I once admired Chuck Klosterman, I know look up to Keith Olbermann. I find it pretty amusing, but I'm pretty sure 16 year old me would be a little aghast at my complete replacement of The Ramones with Old Crow Medicine Show on my iPod, although I may have gotten a kick out of all the Sam Cooke.

Is This Seriously My Life?

Ugh. The past few days have been nothing but stress and anger. I'm planning a weekend at home between now and November, because staying out here for the next 2 months straight is just going to drive me crazy. I need a few days back in BC just to gather my thoughts, let alone to not go completely off the deep end.

Feeling Blah

After this past weekend (which was about an even split between totally awesome and totally horrific), I just want to spend the day in Princeton, walking my dog and reading at Soldiers & Sailors Park. I can imagine it now. Long walk and a little picnic with my Drape at the canal, then back to Princeton for a pumpkin spice latte from Townsend and a few hours on a blanket reading and people watching. Autumn is a great time to be in Bureau County, and I'm sad that I'll just barely miss it this year.

Holy wow. I officially reserved my move today. And yesterday I registered to take the GRE in Peoria in December. All I need now is a shitton of boxes and an airplane ticket.

Since I have that pretty much under control, guess it's time to start flinging together stuff for my grad school applications. Top of the list: University of Illinois. I know who I'm asking for recommendations, know the program I want to get into, all that. Booyah!

I have the strong urge to add a "getting shit done" hashtag to this post.

“There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view.”

This quote (via The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) just makes me smile for some reason.

Looking Ahead to November

Can't believe it's already September. It's seriously freaking me out. Even though Thanksgiving feels like forever away, I know it is going to fly from here on out. This being the case, I've been thinking about when I move home quite a bit lately, like how I hope to be employed and things I want to do.

The first thing on my mind is getting a job. I'm thinking I'll throw my name into the hat at the old coffeeshop I worked at, not for a regular gig but to pick up any shifts they need covered. I'm probably going to try and hook up with a waitressing job, since tips are totally where it's at. On top of that, my mom suggested I register as a substitute teacher, which the district apparently needs desperately. That pays pretty good money, assuming I can get work regularly, and on top of waitressing, I feel like I'd do pretty well. I'm going to live with my mom until I head to school, meaning my living expenses won't be too extravagant. Plus, I don't really go out and do much on a regular basis anyway, so saving until next fall will be not a problem.

There are a few things I want to do though. Things I can't wait to do actually! One of these is go horseback riding. Every Fall I get really into the idea of going; I used to as a kid quite regularly. Hopefully the weather is weird and nice in November, but I might have to wait until Spring to get my hankering conquered. The other thing I'm dying to do is take Draper, my dog, to Wildlife Prairie Park in Peoria. We went all the time when I was younger, but I haven't been in a few years. Draper would love it, and ever since I got him I've been wanting to get him over there for a day.

More than anything, I'm just excited to get back into the swing of life back home. And to get my plan hammered out for next year; that's very exciting, too! It'll feel so good to be back in Bureau County, working and hanging out. Since that has been my life on and off since I was 16, I'm itching to get back to what I know best. Oh, and Oriental Gardens runs with my loves won't be too shabby either!

15 Films

Harumph. I was sick on Sunday, and still feel a little run down. To kill sometime before starting to actually do work, I'll do this:

1) Annie Hall -- It's my favorite movie of all time. Love the story, the dialogue, and the characters.

2) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind -- It's a classic now. The whole thing is so well done, and even Jim Carrey, who I can't stand usually, melts into the picture perfectly. Loves it.

3) Paradise Now -- It makes me cry like a huge baby every time I watch it. If you haven't seen/heard of it, it's about two Palestinian suicide bombers grappling with the decision whether or not to complete their mission.

4) It's A Wonderful Life -- Such a great movie! It just makes me smile everytime I watch it.

5) Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein -- As a kid, I was pretty morbid, and watched a lot of old monster movies. I also enjoyed Abbott and Costello movies. To this day, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein is a Halloween must-watch.

6) The Great Mouse Detective -- One of my favorite Disney movies, and an unsung gem from the Disney collection. I was also a very dorky kid who loved (and still loves) Sherlock Holmes, so this rodent re-telling was right up my alley!

7) Che -- When I saw it in theatres, I was lucky enough to see the Roadshow Edition. At about 4 hours long, it was a serious time commitment, and was totally worth it. It's inspirational, touching, and heartbreaking.

8) Where in the World is Osama bin Laden? -- Morgan Spurlock is probably one of my favorite filmmakers. Loved Supersize Me and his short lived TV show 30 Days. But his one man search for Osama made for a movie that was both funny and enlightening, and a fantastic look at the real heart and soul of the Middle East.

9) Nightmare Before Christmas -- No one can top classic Tim Burton (as in pre-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). I know every word to every song in Nightmare, and still get as giddy every time I watch it as I did when I first saw it.

10) Breakfast at Tiffany's -- What girl doesn't want to be Holly Golightly? For being so iconic, the movie itself still feels underrated. Behind the image of Holly in the black dress is so much more than people give credit for.

11) Moulin Rouge -- It's dazzling, has a great soundtrack, and you notice something new everytime you watch it. Plus, Ewan McGregor is pretty good lookin'.

12) Factory Girl -- It's not the best movie ever made, but the recent Hollywood telling of Edie Sedgwick's meteoric rise to fame was enjoyable, and inspired me to start wearing dark, thick eyeliner and little tiny dresses.

13) What's New, Pussycat? -- Peter O'Toole, Peter Sellers, Woody Allen. It's hilarious, goofy, and well acted. It was the first Allen movie I saw, and still one of the best.

14) Schindler's List -- I once drunkenly declared my love for this movie while at a bar with friends. But it is a really great film, and Liam Neeson ... Well, my love for him is no big secret.

15) Love's Labours Lost -- Don't judge me. Don't even think about it. When I was in about 8th grade I discovered this Kenneth Brannagh masterpiece, based on the Shakespeare play. Set in Europe between the wars, and featuring all kinds of random Cole Porter and the like songs, it's dorky, campy, and endlessly entertaining. I know every word of the dialogue and soundtrack. It's no longer in print, but I was able to score a copy of the DVD on Amazon for pretty cheap a few years back; before that I had to rent it at the local video store, where I was the only one who ever did so.

Loading Up

Alright, so I know I just posted yesterday about how I got a few books over the weekend, but today I ordered a few more that I cannot wait to get in the mail. So I have a problem wherein I buy a lot of books -- it could be worse! Besides, I'm reading through the ones I got this weekend very quickly (as in I'm done with one and halfway through another already) so I need to keep up!

So, what did I order? Well, I geeked out a bit. I went online with the mission of pre-ordering Hooman Majd's new book, The Ayatollah's Democracy, which comes out this month. I've been dying for this book to come out since I heard about it several months ago. Did that. Amazon recommended the book Reset: Iran, Turkey, and America's Future. Read the first few pages, and can't wait to read the rest. Basically it's about US diplomacy, and how the US would find more natural allies in Iran and Turkey, where democracy has an embedded history, rather than Saudi Arabia and the like. See, it's been a while since I've discovered a really good book about contemporary Iran. The last one I read was All the Shah's Men, which is about the 1953 Operation Ajax, the CIA coup against Prime Minister Mossadegh. It was really good, but his random assertions about modern Iran were pretty poorly delivered. Anywho, since it's been a while, I'm really excited I have those two coming.

I also ordered The Complete Stories of Evelyn Waugh, which is one of his books that's hard to come by in stores. Waugh wrote in Great Britain right around WWII, about the aristocractic class. His satire is amazing, and his books usually leave me laughing out loud. He definitely wrote for the time period, meaning sometimes it's hard to make out exactly what he's talking about between cultural references and different places around London, but once you get into the flow, it's hysterically funny. Since he's kind of obscure now, most stores carry just a few of his books, all of which I own. I'm pretty thrilled to be getting one I haven't even seen before!

To Occupy me 'til Lunch

Four Jobs I’ve Had
1. Cashier at Walnut Family Foods
2. Waitress at the Coffee Cup
3. Barista at Eco Espresso/Townsend
4. Intern with ITCO

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over Again
1. Annie Hall, because Woody Allen is a genius
2. In The Loop, because I hope to one day work in that exact environment (does it exist?)
3. Nightmare Before Christmas, because no one can top classic Tim Burton
4. It's A Wonderful Life, or any Frank Capra movie for that matter.

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch
1. Mad Men, because I am classy and sophisticated
2. True Blood, which is an anamoly because I don't like other sci-fi type stuff
3. Big Love, which has shaped my perception of Mormons
4. Countdown with Keith Olbermann, because I'm a stereotype.

Four Places I've Been on Vacation
1. Australia
2. Paris
3. Kenya
4. New Zealand

Four Favorite Dishes
1. Beef Teriyaki from Oriental Gardens
2. Chicken Bacon Cheese, which is as heavenly as it sounds
3. Meringue cookies, they totally count
4. Chilli, with no onions.

Four Websites I Visit Daily
1. www.foreignpolicy.com to check headlines
2. www.modcloth.com to torture myself
3. www.blogger.com to waste time
4. www.facebook.com/www.twitter.com to keep up with my babies.

Four Places I'd Rather Be
1. Bureau County, because home is where you are happy.
2. The corner of Diversey and Clark, heading to a movie at Landmark after browsing at Borders and eating a nutella and strawberry crepe at Le Creperie.
3. In Paris, getting out of my first class of the day (pipedreams never die.)
4. At the apartment, cuddling with my cat, or at home, cuddling with my dog.

Four Books You Love
1. Evelyn Waugh's "Decline and Fall" or "Put Out More Flags". I laugh out loud.
2. Kerouac's "Maggie Cassidy". I love the books about his childhood.
3. Hooman Majd's "The Ayatollah Begs to Differ". A very real, very enlightening look at Iran.
4. Fitzgerald's "The Lees of Happiness". It makes me sob everytime.


TWO YEARS AGO, I...
1. Was still going to IVCC
2. Had just started working at Eco Espresso
3. Still had no clue what I was doing with my life.

ONE YEAR AGO, I...
1. Was starting my senior year of college (so much changes in a year!)
2. Had my own apartment in Lincoln Park
3. Felt 100% at peace with my life for the first time in way too long.

THIS YEAR, I...
1. Graduated college
2. But not before writing a LOT of papers on Iran.
3. Experienced the kind of broke that leads people to be successful writers and artists.

SIX MONTHS AGO, I...
1. Was knee high in Chicago crappy Spring
2. Was trying to figure out what to do after Graduation
3. Still had 3 months left of college.

YESTERDAY, I...
1. Watched Teen Mom. Stop judging me.
2. Contemplated the War in Iraq.
3. Got a haircut.

TODAY, I...
1. Was running late.
2. Worked on a report for work.
3. Am going to call Katie!

NEXT YEAR, I HOPE TO...
1. Move home and find a job (what up, waitressing?!)
2. Enjoy the time I have with my friends and family before going back to school.
3. Find a great program at a great school and get into it!

THREE ITEMS I HAVE BRAND-LOYALTY TO ARE...
1. H&M
2. Baked Ruffles
3. Naked smoothies

THREE SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO ARE...
1. "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel. And Kim and I have a dance to it, too. No joke.
2. "New Virginia Creeper" by Old Crow. I know all their songs, actually, but that one's fun.
3. "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and the Pips. I can belt that one out like no other.

TOP THREE LOCATIONS I'D LIKE TO RUN AWAY TO ARE...
1. Bureau County.
2. France.
3. The apartment (just to get away from work.)

FIRST THREE PEOPLE I THINK ABOUT ON A DAILY BASIS ARE...
1. Kim/Helen/Katie. My beloved babies.
2. My family, who I miss immensely.
3. Draper, who I also miss immensely and is also a beloved baby. Except not, cause he's a 5 year old dog.

I'm Too Good at Changing Direction

Been a while since I've really updated on my life. Honestly, I've mostly been posting while bored at work (productive?), so they haven't been too awesome. Whatever.

Anyway, life update. Where do I even begin? Basically, everything has changed once again. Yes, I've only been in Ridgecrest for about two months or so, but this town is not for me. At all. And working for the Defense Department? Not so much up my alley either (surprise, surprise, right?). So, what am I doing? Moving home, of course! Around Thanksgiving I'm going to be heading back to Bureau County. And in the fall, I'm going to be going to grad school. Not in France, but still! I'm pretty pumped. Turns out any "I'm sick of school" feelings were only end of the year stress, and after being out for two months, I cannot wait to get back to writing papers and doing research. I'm checking out programs primarily in Illinois, because I'm not feeling this whole not being a train ride away from my beloved people thing. My mom was laughing when I told her that -- "You can go to Africa and Paris and want to go to the Middle East, but you just HAVE to drive Main Street in Princeton. Gotta cruise through Walnut." It does sound ridiculous, but I'm still pretty young (22 for one month today) and I'm not ashamed of how connected I am with home. In fact, I'm kind of proud of it.

Anyway, back to the whole grad school thing. I'm kind of torn between doing a MA in Middle Eastern Studies or Political Science. U of I is an affiliate with the American Institute of Iranian Studies, an organization that provides grants and things to learn Farsi (YESPLEASE), and they have a program where I could write my dissertation and do research on Iranian politics and political identity. It seems like it will be harder to find a Poli Sci program that will allow me to focus that much on one country. I mean, I could always do a Middle Eastern Studies MA now, and if I want to I could do a second one in International Politics or something like that. And honestly, at this point, doing two Masters doesn't sound that intimidating to me. I love school; why not then? Besides, in the Poli Sci world, degrees are currency, so the more I can get under my belt while this wave of academia sweeps over me, the better.

Of course, this does mean Ben and I will be long distance again. It also mean postponing the wedding. I'm not focusing on that stuff, though, because what's important at this juncture in my life is doing what I need to do to fulfill my goals. We did long distance once, we can do it again. Besides, it seems like it will be better for us to be apart a while longer.

Other news? Well, I went shopping last weekend with Lisa. Ben and Steve came later on, which was cool. We went to Barnes & Noble, and I got a couple books. It's been a while since I bought any books, so I was definitely in need of new reading material. I picked up Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote, which I read in two days. It made me cry; awesome story. I also got A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway, which is about his time in Paris as a young man. According to Ben no one LIKES Hemingway, but I do. I also picked up a little collection of Anton Chekhov's short stories, which I'm excited to read. One thing about my reading habits that's really unfortunate is that my favorite fiction writers are all dead, making it frustrating when you finish reading someone's body of work. This happened with Fitzgerald way too quickly. When they put out And the Hippos were Boiled in their Tanks I was beyond excited, because I'm inching closer and closer to the end of Kerouac's writings (a sad, sad, sad fact). So I'm trying to branch out into my favorite writers' contemporaries, or similar genres. Hence the Hemingway. I haven't read many Russian novels before, but I do have a Dostoevsky and a couple books by Nabokov, all of which I love.

This was really long, and I plan on posting a survey (to kill more time) in a second. Sorry for all the chatter!