Never Ask the Cat for Relationship Advice

So, last night, by going out with a friend to have a few drinks at his pal's place, I managed to muster the liquid courage to finally tell Ben I don't want to teach. I don't want to work in education, I want to work in Foreign Policy -- I only came up with the whole teaching idea because I could get a job wherever he ended up. But, in doing so, I managed to overlook the fact that Foreign Policy is what I've wanted to do for a long time; it's my passion, and has been for years. I compared me going into education to him going into business; I'm not majoring in Political Science for no reason. And especially now that I'm back at DePaul, working hard and paying a small fortune for this damn degree, I want to get everything I can from it.

Then, after texting him, I fell asleep. This morning I had a few texts and a missed call from him. Basically he said he has a lot going on this weekend, and he can talk it all over later. I texted him back this morning that it isn't important, so don't worry about it. I hadn't intended on talking to him about this for a while, just because I don't graduate for another year and so it won't be an immediate issue. The fact that I know I won't hear what I want to (that we can work something out, so don't worry about it) doesn't exactly make me want to bring it up until it's really necessary.

I guess what it comes down to, and I know it might sound little kiddish, but he majored in engineering because it's what he wants to do. He has all this freedom to find the job he wants in the field he wants. And yet, even though when I graduate we will have the same level of education, I feel obligated to build my life around his if I want to this whole thing to work. It's not like he expressily has said I have to do that, but I definitely feel some pressure. I feel like, when all is said and done, if I'm not careful, I'll be the one giving up on all the things I want to do in life. And I don't want to end up looking back and resenting what I did with my life.

I know politics, I know foreign affairs, I know how to see the "big picture." I feel like I have good instincts for Foreign Policy, and an understanding of how US policy has shaped parts of the world, particularly the Middle East. That's what I want to work in -- Middle Eastern Foreign Policy. I feel like I could do really, really great things if I get into the right position. And I don't want to rob myself of that chance.