As a few people out there know, I'm currently wrapping up this book I'm reading. It's an anthology of writings by Gandhi, kinda like little snippets from various publications that have been put together to make a constant narrative explaining his life and work. And I'm completely fascinated by it, and by him. I mean, no one is indifferent to Gandhi. I've never met anyone who said, "Yeah, Gandhi, fuck that guy." But the depth and sincerity in what he preached is just astounding. And the rationality of it all! His arguments are so simplistic, and in that simplicity, they are completely beyond the grasp of everyday thinking. It's not until you stop and say, "Well, yeah, I guess that is actually how it works," do you really understand the amazing nature of this random Indian lawyer who literally lead a country by simply telling the truth.

I have a hard time trying to express to people the level of interest I have in politics. It's not just that I'm into it, because I don't just see politics as an ends unto itself. Politics, to me, is just the means by which the most good can be done for the most people. That's in a pure form, rather than the convoluted political system we have in the US, but in the most base sense, politics is just public service. And I guess that's why I don't understand when people say they aren't "interested" in politics, because to me, that's not being interested in life. Every political decision, no matter how basic, ends up having an effect on at least one life. There are no "strictly business" decisions in policy issues. It's always personal to someone, and so when people refuse to take any interest, it's turning your back on the world. Anyone who is that much of an isolationist just blows my little, liberal mind.

Huh, funny. Here it's only halfway through 2009 and I feel like it's already over! Weird how that happens when you basically have the next few months of your life totally planned out. Ugh. This is pretty much what things are looking like on my planner:

Summer classes: 2 every five weeks from now until August. I get my first set of midterms tomorrow, which is effing weird. Finals are the week after the Fourth of July.

Home this weekend and 4th of July. Also, home for birthday weekend (August1) so that I can officially get drunk in Bureau County. Though can't tell anyone at Fitzgerald's it's my birthday, since I go there quite often as it is.

Somewhere in there (between 4th of July and August) is a Ben visit (hopefully!) and a change in classes. Then, August 7-9 is Lollapalooza (high five, Angie!)

August 21st is the end of summer classes, and sometime soon after that I may or may not be going out to California, depending on when Ben moves out there.

Autumn classes start up after Labor Day (another 20 hour quarter), and run until Thanksgiving. Shove in a few weddings in September and Halloween. Saturday after Thanksgiving I leave for Kenya, and get back December 15th. Then it's X-mas, New Years, and suddenly my year is over.

Then it's all eyes on either grad school or getting a job. Today I'm leaning towards getting a job, but tomorrow it'll be all about grad school. We'll have to see how I feel in January, I guess. (Also, other blog will be featuring details about my on going job search, which started today with promising leads, and inner battle between grad school and work force.)

A Few Rational Moments

So, I do have a blog designated for political topics, but I didn't really want to put this one there because, well, it's not going to be as organized/harpish as my other posts. This might sound odd, but for all the press I've heard and all the tweets I've read, I still can't feel outright rage at the Iranian regime. I know, I'm sorry, but I can't. I've been trying to maintain a non-partisan outlook on the results of the election and subsequent fallout.

Maybe I've just read too many books about Iran. Maybe after the past few years of reading up about the theocracy, I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. It's not that I'm saying I think the results of the election were completely legitimate, but still. I have a few things I've been trying to keep in mind as I watch the news/read Mir Hossien Mousavi's tweets (mousavi1388 if anyone is interested in following.) They are as follows:

• In terms of the election results themselves, polling was close throughout the campaign, and especially so right before the election. Mousavi had the most strength in the cities (like Tehran) whereas Ahmadinejad was strong in the rural and poor areas (where he has focused his attention while president.) No one had a clear idea who was coming out on top. Mousavi is/was arguing that he had individuals monitoring polls, and he felt he got 2/3 of the vote. Meanwhile, the authorities ended up giving around 2/3 of the vote to Ahmadinejad.
  
• With that in mind, the idea of Ahmadinejad coming out on top isn't exactly crazy. I'm not sure if I buy that he was 11 million votes ahead, but any exaggeration may well have been aimed at avoiding a run-off election. To win the election without a run-off, a candidate must win over 50% of the vote (not easy with so many candidates.) Authorities claim he won 63% of the vote, which seems like a little too large a margin. But it's not entirely clear that Ahmadinejad didn't beat Mousavi by, say, a few points or so. This is the first election where it seems results were rigged (at least by such a huge margin.) Typically the most popular candidate (even if the Supreme Leader doesn't support him) has won the election.
  
• Which brings me to the rioting and protests. When you look at where the riots are taking place (cities, particularly Tehran) and where Mousavi had support (cities, like Tehran) it makes it all look a little different. These aren't protests across the country. These are protests in places Mousavi was supported the strongest. I haven't heard anything about protests in smaller towns. This election and the turmoil following it has drawn such a distinct line down the center of the country. But, since it is the capital where the protests are going on, that is the main focus of reporting.
• And the main focus within the focus has been the violence. The clashes with police and what have you. Yes, it's horrible and yes, it's wrong. But let's look at the response of the Supreme Leader and actually think this through. So, in the capital of the city there have been riots and protests for over a week. Little squirmishes with police here and there, and more pictures of burning cars than you can shake a stick at. After over a week of this, as things begin taking on a life of their own, Ayatollah Khamenei comes and says, "Seriously. This needs to stop. The election was legit, and if you don't start calming down, we're going to get serious about stopping this behavior." Then comes yesterday, with all eyes on Iran as the government delivers its promised crackdown.
  
• So, point one: The Supreme Leader let these protests continue for over a week. He kept assuring people that the election wasn't rigged, but for the most part let people do their thang. Had he wanted to, he could have arrested all opposition leaders and put the kabash on all protesting by force. But he didn't. Point two: What would the government of the United States have done had, following the disputed 2000 election, there been riots in the streets of Washington DC? Do you really think they would have been like "Oh, let the kids have their fun!" Yesterday the military in Iran was turning people away from protests, using tear gas and water cannons to quell the crowd. Do you really think our own government would have done something different?
• Speaking of which, are people really so stupid they think Obama should speak out against the election? Seriously, do you have any idea what kind of history we have with Iran? It's none of our government's business to get involved with what's going on. All Obama should say is, "We will respect whichever candidate is chosen by the people and leaders of Iran." Bam. Done. Anything else is just going to start problems, I guarantee it. Iran doesn't want "The Great Satan" involved.

That is basically what I've been trying to keep in mind while watching the news. Trying to keep a level head, while remembering the history between Iran and the US, as well as the electoral history of Iran. All in all, it is horrible that people are being killed over there, but I just can't get as angry as I thought I would be.

Truth be told, small things can bother me a lot. Off hand comments or slight changes in tone or random pictures can leave me thinking about nothing else for days, trying to figure out what it means. I don't like to think people don't like me for a concrete reason. It just bugs me. So, as I'm sure you can imagine, when the issue of my being "a little girl" was discussed this past week, it got my gears turning. It had actually come up several months ago, but it resurfaced while talking about fighting (better than fighting about talking. Harhar.) I wasn't mad this time, and Ben and I basically laughed it off. But the fact that someone would see me as "just a little girl" kinda bothers me. Kinda bothers me immensely, in fact. So, the past few days have been spent thinking about what in me would make someone describe me like that. What pieces of my personality formed that image, and what role do those pieces play in who I think I am.

My family has never treated me like a little girl. I've always been afforded privacy and independence, based on the assumption I could handle things on my own. And I always have. I keep my plates spinning (even if it's haphazardly) and, even though it bugs me, have been known to cave and ask for help when it's absolutely necessary. I've had a job on and off (mostly on) since my 16th birthday, and when I have income, pay my own bills. Now is an exception, but one of very few exceptions in my life. I'm not afraid of hard work, and haven't spent my life sheltered from it. I've made my own decisions in life, and while some of them haven't been that great, I've done the best I can in dealing with the consequences. I've gone with my gut more than once, and it's always landed me where I should be, even if it's in a round-about way. When I first started hanging with Ben, I'll admit I probably seemed like a bleak case. 19-year-old junior college student with multiple tattoos working for minimum wage at a local coffeeshop. Yeah. That's great. But I've moved forward since then. In a matter of months, I've managed to work my way up to 20-year-old Depaul soon-to-be graduate with multiple tattoos, A-B average, and a life plan.

And what about my life plan? I feel like I'm a fairly knowledgable person, especially for a mostly self taught 20 year old from fucking Bureau County. I had a boyfriend once point out that I have this way of getting fixated with something, and learning everything I can about it before moving on to something else. The Beat Generation, Marxist philosophy, Sherlock Holmes, Ancient Egypt. Now, the Kennedy brother's and Middle Eastern politics. I'm no expert by any means, but I feel like my grasp on a whole variety of topics is pretty solid. When I say I want to work in Foreign Policy, it's not just for shits and giggles. Foreign Policy is my hobby. And while I don't have a degree yet, I don't think that means I don't know what I'm talking about.

Sure, I'm giggly and smiley. I like to dance around in parking lots and watch Flight of the Conchords. But I don't think that makes me a little girl. It hasn't been that easy to keep up my generally happy, curious, optimistic outlook on life, especially in keeping up with current events. It would be easy to become a pessimistic, more "grown up" kinda person, but that's not what I want to do. I want to keep loving people. I want to keep having fun. I want to keep cracking inappropriate jokes and describing Foreign Policy in my own, casual words. I want to keep planning my own reality, not one subject to the various sociatel standards others have subscribed to. And so what if that does make me a "little girl?" I'd rather stay happy my whole life than worry about being acceptable.

Busted Out My Green

So, I'm sure everyone who would ever look at this has already read everything released regarding the recent Iranian elections. Right? Haha. Well, I've been keeping up on it, and as I'm sure anyone who knows me could tell you, I'm a little upset by it. I don't like hearing about riots in Tehran. I don't like reports of student protesters being shot. I'm not going to dedicate this whole post to talking about what's going on over there, but I did tie a green ribbon onto my bookbag. It's an Arbor Day ribbon, but it's all I had, and I really wanted to do something. Green is the campaign color for Mir Hussein Mousavi, the one who, chances are, had the election stolen from him. The race was tight, though, so it's hard to say exactly who came out on top, but this "landslide victory" shit just ain't flying. I think Ahmadinejad's re-election has less to do, though, with Israel and what not, as I've heard people say, and more to do with the resurgence of the Reform movement in Iran. In the 90's, Khatami won as a Reformist, and the clerics had to fight to keep him from getting too many reforms passed and to keep the party from becoming a threat to Ayatollah Khamenei's power. I think re-electing Ahmadinejad is more reactionary to that than anything else. As far as where things will go from here, it's hard to say until the election hubbub is completely set straight.

Anywho, what else? Ben came up for a week, just left today. Oh, if you haven't gone to see Away We Go yet, definitely go see it. It's one of those really sweet movies that still manages to be totally realistic. Burt drives Verona crazy (one scene particularly cracked me up, as Ben too has a "Casey Casum" persona a lot like Burt's) and he doesn't totally get her all the time, and they are just completely great together. It's really, really a great movie -- equal parts touching and hilarious. So, stop reading this and go see that.

So, like most students on the brink of adult life, I daydream on occasion about what my career and life will be like. And honestly, if my life is half as cool as my daydreams are, I'm stoked. Being the mega-nerd I am, I spend most of my time daydreaming about my job . . . or, well, the job I hope I end up having at some point in my life. You know, the kind of job where you, as I told Ben, "Spend a few days in Bahrain before jetting over for a meeting with some Indian leaders." That kinda job.

But, in my daydreams, I feel it's necessary to point out that I am highly inappropriate. Yes, in my fantasy world, I still don't know when to use nuanced language. Imaginary me says things like, "China! What the hell! You need to go in there and make the UN your bitch!" I'm like the rogue outlaw of diplomacy in these scenarios. And it is awesome. Who wouldn't love to be in a position to say things like, "Suck it, Netanyahu. We're cutting your aid."

Today, though, I managed to top myself. I was so shocked by what came flying across my brain that I had to stop for a minute and admit that, yes, I am a badass. In my daydream, I apparently was able to get a meeting with former Iranian president and Minister of Awesome, Khatami. We were discussing options regarding opening up diplomatic doors between the US and Iran. Just having a chance like that would be amazing. And I'm not sure what illiceted this response from me -- what Khatami could have said that would make this okay -- but I said, "Khatami . . . Yer bustin' my balls." Very sincerely, but I told the former president of Iran he was busting my balls.

Sometimes I amaze me.

While feeling down yesterday, I cleaned my whole apartment. That's right -- the whole thing. Even scrubbed the floors. Intense, I know, but I got started and it was making me feel better, so I kept moving. While I was cleaning, though, I got bit by that "Make your apartment look nicer" bug, and have become re-dedicated to making the place a little classier. There isn't a whole lot I can do, since it's just a studio, but I made a "wishlist" of all the things I need. I figure within those random things I need for functional reasons, I can work in some form as well. Said list goes like this:

• Dresser for blankets.
• Shelves X 1,000,000.
• Chair for desk.
• Table for next to door/hiding wires.
• Corkboard.

I plan on exploring some of the resale shops around here tomorrow for a chair. Should be able to find one that's not too expensive, since I just want like a normal dining room chair. I figure any extra whatever I can add to it later on. There is a dresser I like at Ikea, but it's like $200 and there is no Ikea near me. But if that's the only thing I'm really planning on splurging on, I don't feel so bad. So next time I have extra monies and someone with a car, it's all about that dresser. Corkboard I can get pretty much anywhere, so that'll be easy, and shelving isn't too hard to come by, either. A table to fit that little space I have might be tricky, but I'll just keep an eye out, I guess.

There are a few crafty projects I wanna try doing too. I'm not the most artsy person in the world, but I think if I keep it simple, it could work. I got this ice cream -- Sheer Bliss, which is totally fantastic -- that comes in a tin can. It's a pretty good size can, since it's a pint of ice cream, and I'm thinking about covering it in fabric and trying to get herbs growing in it. I've wanted to do an herb garden for years, but now that I'm in an apartment, it's tricky. So, we'll see how that works. I'm also kicking around ideas to liven up my blank walls. I have posters up, but the all white is still pretty ick. Plus, my kitchen is not all that great either, but I'm not sure what I can do with that yet.

Note to self: Stop fucking daydreaming. It only results in getting let down and throwing my phone across the apartment. And the worst part is I have no one to blame but myself for these random ideas of what any given experience will be like, only for it all to go horribly awry.

Is this fucking summer over yet?

I'm being a neglectful blogger lately. I have, however, been pretty busy with non-cyber life related things, like finishing up the quarter. That's right -- today was my last day of actual class. Next week I have two finals on Tuesday, and I am finished completely with Spring quarter. Can't believe my first quarter back at Depaul is over already. Went by super, super fast. But I'm pretty sure I did really well -- better than I ever did at IV, so that's a big time thumbs up. Got a little hectic in the past few weeks, just with graduations and what have you, but I'm at the finish line, and it feels pretty damn good.

With summer looming, I wish I had more exciting stuff planned. I have classes all summer, and hopefully Ben will be around, but until Lollapalooza, I've got nothing major going on at all. Just focusing on getting through my four summer classes and getting into Fall Quarter.

Exciting news that I never shared: I am officially going to Kenya!! Yup, in December, I will be spending 15 days in Kenya. I can't believe it -- so excited to be going there. Honestly, Africa was never my first choice of place to visit, but I'm stoked to be diving in head first. Kind of worried, just because I've never experienced abject poverty before on a scale like we will in the slums, but I think the experience is going to be a good one.

Other exciting news: I found my dream grad school program. It's at AUP (of course) and it's a Masters in Middle Eastern and Islamic Studies and International Relations. Exactly what I want to go into, exactly what I want to study. Two year program. Perfect. I kind of talked to Ben about it when he was here a few days ago, and he said he'd "work with me" on it, but he doesn't sound too thrilled. But this would be a good chance for me to get all those regrets I've been carrying around about not going to AUP for undergrad off my shoulders. Plus, it's an awesome curriculum. I'm gonna keep looking around, keep all my options open, and see if there is a similar program somewhere else. But, in the meantime, that is the program my eye is on.

Ugh, life moves so fast.