Honestly, I thought it would be harder to adjust to being single. I thought that after 2.5 years of talking to The Guy every day, once I got back home I would be tempted to fall back into that routine, seeing as how I am a creature of habit. But oddly enough, I'm not really struggling with it at all. The one thing I seem to have forgotten in all of the stress of moving home: I actually enjoy being single. Sure, sometimes you want someone to curl up and watch old scary movies with (*ahem*, something I could go for), but for the most part, I love having the freedom to do what I want when I want, make all the random life decisions I'm faced with by myself, and dream as big as I can for the future. I'm stubborn when it comes to my own aspirations, which is only a problem when I'm in a relationship.
The one thing I am struggling with a little is some anger. Anger about what happened, anger about particular fights and days. In the spirit of neutrality, which I'm trying to maintain out of respect for our mutual friends, I have been running with the, "Things just didn't work out. It is a shame. Anyway..." sort of explainations. But now that I'm home, I don't have to keep the peace. I'm free to start processing everything that happened and sorting it out in my mind, and I'll be honest: it has resulted in a few total rockout sessions to that P!nk song "So What". Add a very angry set of parents to the mix and friends who provide support so solid you could build a house on it, and it's hard to constantly downplay everything that happened.
But, I am trying not to let it all get too much under my skin. Retrospective anger doesn't do anyone any good. The only thing I can do is take it as a lesson learned and move on with a little more wisdom than I had before, and way more clearly defined standards. I'm trying not to let myself become a victim, while also trying to keep myself square with the fact that the rumor mill might eventually churn out a version of events that makes him the victim. Oh the joys of the small town! I know why things ended, the people who matter know, and all I can do is continue to move forward and enjoy the people I have in my life. As my mama always says, the best revenge is a good life.
Oh, and start looking forward to the day I meet a nice Iranian fella. Mom decided a few days ago that it would just be too perfect if I fell in love with an Iranian while doing overseas research. Add Jewish or partially Irish heritage to that equation and I think my heart just melted!
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I think it goes without saying that I relate very very much to your current situation. I'd like to comfort you by saying that the anger goes away, but it doesn't. I might have rocked out to that very same song and I might still want to punch him in the face. Then again, maybe I'm just an angry person.
ReplyDeleteI will, however, advise you to enjoy your newly single status. Being single and independent is kind of awesome.
I am loving being single! Not only is the independence awesome, but it's nice thinking that my dream guy is somewhere out there. Not that I'm in any hurry to find him -- it's just sort of a nice thought.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think a little anger suits me. It's kind of empowering -- an "I'll show that douchebag what I'm made of" kinda feeling.
Are you going to be at the Gronli's on Saturday? I can't wait to see everyone!
I think a lot of people tend to pity the single, thinking their lives aren't as complete and fulfilled as those who are coupled up, so I'm glad to hear that you aren't getting into that mindset or having to listen to that from others just yet.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually still debating if I'm going to the Gronlicia Halloween bash. I don't even have a costume, so that's kind of a deterrent, but we'll see.
Oh, you gotta go! Last chance to celebrate the Halloween tradition without a mini Tim or Alicia running around! I have been so lazy on the costume front this year -- I'm throwing mine together the day of. One idea I had that might appeal to ya, if you are still looking for a costume: find a yellow umbrella and be The Mother from How I Met Your Mother! Seeing as how no one knows what she looks like, it's beyond easy.
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