Slowly, information on the weekend has trickled in. I'm currently hours and hours away from the loves of my life -- Kim and Helen, my two best friends since I was nine years old. Sounds like everyone, at one point or another, had a weird experience. Helen's boyfriend got into a fight with his ex (weird. He didn't want to go to a party. Really such a big deal?) But that chick sounds a little . . . um . . . loopysauce, so whatevs. Then, yesterday, Helen told me that Mikey Eff, the now legendary boy she dated over the summer and who we all thought was the best thing ever, proposed to his girlfriend at a bar wearing green sequined hot pants. Bummer to the max, and not only because now I won't get invited to the wedding, although that in and of itself is reason to be upset. Kim, however, didn't have any ex oddities. But she did end up buying her outfit for her 21st birthday, which is coming up this weekend. Apparently, it's a jumpsuit that she describes as "Beyonce-esque." I want to see it more than you will ever imagine, if only to say that I saw Kim in a jumpsuit. And we all know I love that Beyonce. . .

So, the first few days of my extensive Rolla visit are over. I got down here on Friday night, after a long and tedious drive spent singing along with Tom Jones. What can I say, I'm on a Welsh Wonder kick. On my way down, I tried to convince Ben that I had, somehow, ended up in Kentucky. Well, I guess that wasn't all that unlikely, because he just started telling me how to get back. And when I told him I was kidding, and had just gotten through St. Louis, he was like, "Oh, cool." Not the reaction I was looking for, but that just means I'll have to do something prankish while I'm down here.

But Friday night, there was a bonfire over here. And while there were gratuitous amounts of male nudity, it was offset by listening to The Lonely Island. It was really fun, and by the end of the night, my face literally hurt from laughing.

Saturday, we went to Kansas City. Nothing like a really long car ride after a really long car ride. I slept most of the way there because I'm an awesome co-pilot. We went to Ben's friend's parents' house (got that?) for dinner, then we went over to his friend Angie's housewarming party. It was a really great time, and it was nice finally meeting some of Ben's Rockford friends. Only bummer: Ben's ex was there, and I think she got pretty upset. I felt/feel really bad, and feel like I should have said something to her. I'm not that kinda girl who hates any other girl my boyfriend has so much as talked to in the past, and I really wish I had said something to her. Now it's going to totally be on my mind until I drunkenly figure out a way to communicate with her and feel like a huge toolbag. Yeah, my communication skills are through the roof.

Anyway, turns out putting down the seats in the car and sleeping in the trunk wasn't such a great idea. It sounded good when we were schwasty, but waking up on Sunday morning (well, we didn't really sleep due to discomfort, so not waking up) was a painful experience. But the ride back went by really fast and we spent the day kickin' it. Went and hiked around, which was a lot of fun even though I fell and managed to whack my hand on a rock or something. But I do love exploring, and it was such a beautiful day.

Yup, I certainly do love me some Rolla.

If You Aren't Willing to Barter, I Don't See Us Making Progress

Alright, look DePaul University. And you listen up, too, Federal Government. I didn't apply for financial aide because I don't need it. So please explain the discrepancy between what you gave me and what I owe. How does that work? I mean, I'm a 20 year old unemployed college student . . . how do you expect me to even come up with $20 and a paper clip on my own? And why is it so expensive after all? I know DePaul is one of the best schools in the Midwest, but seriously. It's not necessary to charge me so damn much money just because I wanna sit in a room for a few hours a week and listen to a fella talk in the front of the room. If anything, you should charge less. I'm not going to be involved on campus, and I'm certainly not going to hang around after class and be social with my fellow students. I don't live on campus and chances are I'm not going to eat on campus. So why so much dough? I wonder how much that comes down to per hour I spent in class . . . No wait, I don't wanna think about it.

Not that I'm not looking forward to paying off student loans until I'm waist deep in a mid-life crisis. And I'm definitely looking forward to taking a second job waitressing at a shitty restaurant at night in hopes I can pay down the monster I have signed up for. Yeah, that'll be awesome. I mean, if it takes me the longest amount of time possible (25 years) then I will be 46 years old by the time I pay that shit off. Who doesn't want that?! At least there aren't prepayment fees, assuming I have extra cash monies to throw at that beast.

So here's my proposition. DePaul, I have a younger sister who I am more than willing to trade for my education. It's only one year of costs, and she has quite a lot of life in her yet. Put her to work in the cafeteria or something. Let her live in one of the dorms, keep her on a short leash, and you have a slave for quite a few years yet!

Think it over and get back to me.

NBC Reads My Mind

They have to. There is no other explanation for the random things that end up on 30 Rock. I hadn't thought about it much until today, but when I look back at some of my favorite episodes, there have been a lot of my favorite things slipped in there. And so I think Tina Fey is reading my mind. Let me lay out my case:

1) Al Gore -- The first episode I ever saw was the one with Greenzo, the superhero who was out to save the environment. And who guest starred at the very end? Al Gore. And in case you aren't aware, I'm obsessed with Al Gore. I got to shake his hand at a book signing and it was probably the biggest event of my life.

2) Midnight Train to Georgia -- I also love the Gladys Knight and the Pips song "Midnight Train to Georgia." My friends play the Pips in my car and we have sing-a-longs. So what song did they spoof when Kenneth the Page decided to head back to Georgia? "Midnight Train to [motherfuckin'] Georgia!" I know! It's crazy!

3) Sauce -- And I don't mean booze here, people. I have this habit of adding 'sauce' at the end of words and sentences, like creepsauce or sillysauce. So what does Liz Lemon say when she is trying to adopt a baby? "I need all of you to act normalSAUCE!" Yes! Normalsauce! Come on. That doesn't just happen.

6) United Nations -- Early in the season, Liz happened to try and date a guy who worked at the United Nations. What's my dream fucking job? Working for the United Nations!!!

4) Jon Hamm -- I am fairly in love with Don Draper on the show Mad Men. In fact, I am very in love with Don Draper, who is played by Jon Hamm. And right when I really need a Mad Men/Don Draper fix, who do they have star in a reoccuring role as Liz Lemon's love interest? JON HAMM!!! Freaky much?

5) Liz -- Yeah, I have a lot of personality traits in common with Liz. Awkwardness, love for cheese, dorky dance moves that I insist on doing in public. My mom wants me to write as a career, but I'm pretty sure that if I did, I'd end up a real life Liz Lemon.

Yeah, see what I mean? This stuff doesn't happen by chance, people. I'm pretty sure Tina Fey is reading my mind right now.

Officially the Best Show on TV . . .

It's Big Love. If you haven't seen it yet, please, tune in to HBO next Sunday at 8 and watch it. It's currently in its third season (only three episodes left!) and literally keeps you riveted for the whole hour. And yes, it is actually a full hour because HBO doesn't have commercial breaks. Love that.

Anyway, Big Love is about the Henrickson family in Sandy, Utah. If you are my friend on Facebook, yes, that is where I got the last name from. Bill Henrickson is a polygamist, married to three women. Barb was the first, but after she became ill and was no longer able to have children, they took on Nikki. Nikki is the daughter of Roman Grant, the prophet of the nearby Juniper Creek compound and all around Henrickson family antagonist, and she took care of Barb while she was sick. Bill was born on the compound, but was run off by Roman when he was fourteen. A few years after marrying Nikki, the family decided to marry Margene, the eighteen year old babysitter. Now, a few years later, they are living in the suburbs, in three seperate houses with connecting backyards.

The polt is insane. There are so many twists and turns and the characters are so complexly connected. And things are always getting darker and darker. This seaon has been, by far, the most shocking, and the tag line is "Everyone has something to hide." Very fitting, as everyone in the show is hiding something from everyone else, and the whole season has been about these secrets slowly coming out. For example, Bill's oldest daughter (Sarah, who is about to go graduate high school) hid her pregnancy from the family until she miscarried two episodes ago. This episode was also when the family found out Nikki had been on birth control for four years and Bill is on Viagra.

As far as last night's episode goes, well, I was blown away. The episode before had been just about the family, with them going on a trip out to New York to retrace the steps of Joseph Smith. So last night, they were thrown right back into everything, including the power struggle on Juniper Creek between Alby (Roman's son) and Roman, who was recently found not guilty of an array of charges. Nikki went back to work at the DA office, where she was placed during her father's trial to get information on the prosecutions case. But Nikki has been flirting with her boss, who thinks her name is Margene (Nikki didn't want them to know she was Roman Grant's daughter.) And last night she actually went on a date with him! AND KISSED HIM! Yeah! What the fuck, Nikki?!

And the saddest thing of all . . . oh my god. So sad, I nearly cried. Okay, lemme set this one up for ya: Bill has a younger brother named Joey. Joey had been a football star, but after becoming an alcoholic, he returned to Juniper Creek and married Wanda. And Wanda is nuts. Like, bonafide fucking crazy. So, Kathy came to live with them to help take care of Joey Jr, their son. Kathy was the only witness Roman wasn't able to bribe or scare into not testifying during his trial, and now that he's out of jail, he's pretty much gunning for her. Joey and Kathy decided to get married, making her his second wife. (Still with me?) But when Kathy went to go look for flowers on a nearby hill, she went missing. Well, turns out the Greens (another major group of fundamental polygamists) have taken her hostage and are going to make her marry Hollass. Who shows up to seal them? Fucking Roman Grant. Kathy gets away, and jumps into a truck that was idling outside of the barn they were going to marry them in, but her braid gets stuck in the door when she slams it. Roman comes right up on her in his jeep, and rams her until she runs off the road and into a tree. Well, with the braid stuck in the door and no seat belt, I'm sure you can guess what happens. And Joey, Bill, and the rest of the gang, who are waiting back at Joey's house for the wedding have no idea what has happened.

I'm all worked up just thinking about it . . . I can't wait for next week.

Who Is Mrs. Deavers?!

Alright, so, last night I had the most fucked up dream ever. And I remember ALL OF IT! Yeah, I can't believe it either! So, here it is:

Kim, Helen, and I were riding our bicycles on this back road, which is weird because I haven't been on a bike in years and years. But anyway, there was a gravel road, and we wanted to know what was up on top of this hill, so Helen stood guard, and Kim and I went up this hill. At the top, on one side were animals in cages, like lions and stuff, and on the other side were thorn bushes, so when we were walking down this road we had lions tryin' to get us on one side of us and thorns poking us on the other. And we're like, "Fuck this."

When we got back down the hill, Mrs. Deavers came up. And Mrs. Deavers was some teacher at the local grade school (in my dream. In real life, she doesn't exist.) And she rode to school on a rhino, on top of which was a little compartment she rode in. So weird!! And she was so pissed about us going up that hill, and even though we told her we left when we saw the animals, she was totally livid!

So this bitch Deavers takes us all hostage, and puts us in this shack where there are these animals sitting on this table thing. And outside of the shack is the rest of this house, including this wooden platform over a lake where fish and otters lived. In my dream, I kept calling them badgers, but I know now they were otters. We kept peaking out of this door, cause it wasn't locked, but fear of Mrs. Deavers kept us from actually leaving.

Then these otters started coming up into the shack, and we're like, "Get the fuck out of here, Badger/Otter!" Then Deavers came back in and said, "I have to get these leopards out of here. They are becoming too humanized." And she tapped on of the leopards, and it stood up on two legs and walked over to us and said, "I'll see you later" and walked out. I turned to the girls and said, "That's a classy fucking leopard."

Then I woke up.

T-Minus 5 Days to Rolla

Finally. Down to the final five days before I head down to Rolla. I actually have a few things that could keep me busy that whole time, but let's face it: I have access to way too much shitty daytime TV to be productive. Theoretically Wednesday should go by fast, seeing as how I have a doctor's appointment and I'm getting my hair cut (exciting, eh?) I'm planning on growing my hair out, but I desperately need to get it trimmed, and I want to get proper bangs, instead of these bullshit bangs I've been rocking for . . . oh . . . six years now on and off. The plan is to do something along the lines of Zooey Deschanel. Love her. Haha, it was pretty funny when Ben and I watched Hitchhiker's Guide, cause I freaked out when I saw her. "That's the 'She' in She & Him!" I was thrilled.

Anyway, yeah, I've been checking the weather, and hoping to God it's at least kind of warm in Rolla. I would even settle for warmer than up here, so long as I can actually wear cute clothes instead of the BS I've been wearing since I came home. Either way, I'm gonna bring my cute clothes and if it's cold, fuck it, I'll just freeze. I don't care. Sacrifices must be made.