Alright, look DePaul University. And you listen up, too, Federal Government. I didn't apply for financial aide because I don't need it. So please explain the discrepancy between what you gave me and what I owe. How does that work? I mean, I'm a 20 year old unemployed college student . . . how do you expect me to even come up with $20 and a paper clip on my own? And why is it so expensive after all? I know DePaul is one of the best schools in the Midwest, but seriously. It's not necessary to charge me so damn much money just because I wanna sit in a room for a few hours a week and listen to a fella talk in the front of the room. If anything, you should charge less. I'm not going to be involved on campus, and I'm certainly not going to hang around after class and be social with my fellow students. I don't live on campus and chances are I'm not going to eat on campus. So why so much dough? I wonder how much that comes down to per hour I spent in class . . . No wait, I don't wanna think about it.
Not that I'm not looking forward to paying off student loans until I'm waist deep in a mid-life crisis. And I'm definitely looking forward to taking a second job waitressing at a shitty restaurant at night in hopes I can pay down the monster I have signed up for. Yeah, that'll be awesome. I mean, if it takes me the longest amount of time possible (25 years) then I will be 46 years old by the time I pay that shit off. Who doesn't want that?! At least there aren't prepayment fees, assuming I have extra cash monies to throw at that beast.
So here's my proposition. DePaul, I have a younger sister who I am more than willing to trade for my education. It's only one year of costs, and she has quite a lot of life in her yet. Put her to work in the cafeteria or something. Let her live in one of the dorms, keep her on a short leash, and you have a slave for quite a few years yet!
Think it over and get back to me.
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