Deepest Apologies to my Gender

I'm in a class this quarter called Political Socialization. Don't ask me what it means -- week six and I'm still not totally sure. But we spend a lot of time talking about race relations, gender inequality, stuff like that. The kind of stuff that has spun off Political Science to form majors that people get degrees in for reasons that are totally beyond me. But being in this class has made something extremely clear to me that I've known for years, but kind of avoid. I am not a Feminist.

Women in advertising or hip hop videos don't bother me. I don't lose sleep over the glass ceiling, or subconscious expectations of femininity. I don't feel outrage at the image of womanhood portrayed in Disney movies or on TV. Sure, I want to have a career and all that, but I don't want to do these things for the good of womankind or anything like that. I won't flinch at giving up my career to be a mom. I don't think women are inferior or anything like that, I just . . . don't care.

I spent some time thinking about it, and realized that I don't even have a female "hero" in the same way I have males. FDR, the Kennedys, Khatami -- people who inspire me are all male. One exception would be Rachel Maddow, but she's proved herself as able to stand up with the men's club of political commentary. Besides Zooey Deschanel and Jenny Lewis, my musical taste is male dominated. Even on TV, I'm more drawn to male characters, like Don Draper. Women I find interesting are like the women on Big Love, or even Mad Men, who have a kind of stoic nature in the face of their problems. They take the situation as it comes. Take for example Betty Draper, who left Don this past season after finding out that he lied about his identity and cheated on her (like a billion times.) It wasn't outrage at Don's behavior I felt, but outrage that Betty would actually do that to him.

I do have women I look to for "image inspiration" when it comes to clothes and things, like Zooey Deschanel or Audrey Hepburn. But the women I'm drawn to, I guess you could say, perpetuate the female stereotypes so many people rail against. My vision of what being a woman means is derived from Jackie (and can't forget Ethel!) Kennedy, or F. Scott Fitzgerald books, or Audrey -- that classic idea of being quirky, but still being a lady in that classic sense.

I don't know what it means, or where it came from. I mean, I'm a strong person, not a push over or anything like that. I stand up for myself and all that, but not with any sense of female pride, or even female entitlement.

Humph. I should have been born decades ago.